Stuff like this is what happens at my job. I love my job. And I love the people I work with. But there are always a few who aren’t the brightest crayons in the box…

This particular situation was a client who emailed me about the new MacBook I’d just given her the day before. Now, mind you, she’d had a MacBook before. I simply upgraded her to a newer model.

Her email said something like “My laptop won’t turn on!!! I’ve tried the switch several times and nothing happens. I’m not stupid…help! :(“

Normally, being a tech nerd, I would start assuming things like “maybe it won’t come out of hibernate,” or “maybe the battery isn’t charging” or other such things. But considering that this particular client said that she “tried the switch” instead of the button and went out of her way to also make it clear that she’s “not stupid”… I just assumed that the battery was dead and she hadn’t plugged it in yet.

So I called her. This is (for the most part) the conversation that followed…

Me: What’s going on with your MacBook?

Client: It won’t turn on! You have to help!

Me: Is the little white light on the front totally off? Or is it pulsating?

Client: …Where? I don’t see any light.

Me: It’s on the front edge, near where your right palm sits. There is a tiny little opening with a white light. Is it on?

Client: I don’t think so…

Me: What happens when you press the power button?

Client: Nothing.

Me: Okay. Do you have the power adapter plugged in?

Client: …Well…How many things am I supposed to have plugged in?

Of course at this point I’m already thinking “….WHAT?!” and face palming.

Me: …It doesn’t really matter. Is your power adapter plugged in?

Client: Well I have a black one, one that looks like a phone cord, and a white one that goes to a little box.

Me: Okay well the black one is the USB cable for your SMARTboard. The phone-looking one is for the internet. It should be the white one that goes to the little box. There should be a tiny light where you plug it into the computer. Is that light green, orange, or totally off?

Client: Well…where am I supposed to plug it in?

Me: There’s only one place to plug it in. It’s magnetic. It only fits in one spot.

Client: Where…?

-_____________-;

Me: The spot closest to the monitor. It’s a little rectangular opening. The cable is magnetic so it will just suck it right into place.

Client: I don’t see any light. Where’s the light supposed to be?

Me: It’s a tiny little dot in the center of the adapter where it plugs into the computer.

Client: I don’t see a spot for any light.

Me: Is it plugged into the wall?

Client: I don’t know.

Me: …..Can you trace the cable and see?

Client: Well where am I supposed to plug it in?

Me: Into the wall. The electric outlet. So that it gets power.

Client: Well the little white box is going into a big black and blue cable.

Me: What?! The little white box has another white cable coming out of it that plugs into the wall.

Client: No this goes into a big black cable that goes into the ceiling.

At this point I realized that the “little white box” was not in fact the brick for the power adapter. She was talking about the DISPLAY ADAPTER going into the VGA cable for her projector.

Me: Okay, that’s the wrong one. That’s the display cable. You need to plug in the power adapter.

Client: Well how am I supposed to know which one that is?

Me: It’s the only one. That plugs into the wall. Into the electric outlet. And there is only one spot on the computer that it fits. It is magnetic. It is impossible to plug it into the wrong spot.

Client: Well, I don’t think you guys gave me a power adapter. I mean I’m not stupid…

Me: I gave you a power adapter. I plugged it in yesterday. Maybe it fell off the desk?

Client: Let me go look… Nope, not there. I don’t think you gave me one.

Me: Did you check in the bag?

Client: Hang on………Guess what IIIIIII fouuuunnnddddd?

Me: Plug it in. The light should turn orange and start charging the battery. You should bring the adapter home with you in case it dies again…

Client: Well I’m not stupid you know, I’ve just never used a laptop before.

Me: You had the same exact model MacBook before, this is just a newer version. They are almost identical.

Client: Well, I never really used it that much…

BUT I BET YOU HAD TO PLUG IT IN WHEN THE BATTERY DIED DIDN’T YOU ZOMGWTFBBQ